Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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