woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
