What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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