You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I did not marry a roomba.
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