as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
