The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
