batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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