Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
