So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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