Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
