Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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