Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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