saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
