i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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