Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
