I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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