He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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