Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
