So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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