ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
