six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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