Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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