I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Quick, to the slutcave!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
