good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do vagina's smell?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just blew my weed a kiss
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
