it glows. i had to have it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is Oprah even human
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
