We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
