I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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