shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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