I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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