Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You were trust falling into bushes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize