I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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