I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
