So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
