if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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