so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
