Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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