If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
