I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize