I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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