To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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