i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Someone came in the potted fern
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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