Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
