I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
be right there i have to get my cape
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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