Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
