That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wear drunk well.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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