he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
