Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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