Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
