I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
