if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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