is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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