Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
