i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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