Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
