Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
did i walk over a car last night?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
