What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
