My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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