those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
