Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
