Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
