i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
