She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
