Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
