I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
