My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
